“The Datsyuk, Zetterberg, Holmstrom line is doing nothing,” King said. “I lost to the Minnesota Wild in the Joe! The Wild, man!”
King is hoping a trade for Los Angeles Kings center Anze Kopitar, together with the return of key defender Brad Stuart from injury, will get his team going again and put Detroit back in the mix for home-ice advantage in the playoffs.

“I’m thinking Datsyuk, Kopitar and Filpulla on my first line sounds good,” King said. “And then of course Franzen, Zetterberg and Cleary playing second line.”

That leaves King with the dilemna of where to put Thomas Holmstrom, Datsyuk and Zetterberg’s veteran linemate. Without Datsyuk and Zetterberg’s speed to offset Holmstrom’s plodding skating, he’s a defensive liability. For now Holmstrom is parked on the checking line, which is centered by Kris Draper.

“I like the physicality there with Drapes, [Kirk] Maltby, and Homer. We’ll have to be sure and get lots of rubber on the net,” King said, “And get our forecheck going. Or I’m seriously going to consider benching some of these guys who are dogging it.”

That would mean activating young players like Darren Helm and Justin Abdelkader from the farm team, a move King has been imagining the fans of his imaginary hockey team have been calling for him to do.

“Oh ya, the fans love those young studs,” King said. “One guy for sure whose ass is on the line is Tomas Kopecky. I’m getting tired of his little jaunts in the offensive zone with the fucking puck on his stick. He’s one more unforced turnover away from a bus ride to the fucking minors.”