Early this morning local drunk driver Andrew Duke attempted to drive himself home while intoxicated from a friend’s house after a night of hard drinking, but had to pull over after a few miles because he was too drunk to drive.
“Yeah, I don’t know what the problem was,” said Duke, regarding his failed drunk-drive...
Read more »
First Edward ‘Ted’ Kennedy, and now this… I find it sad yet remarkable that within the same week of a summer fleeting, we lose two great men, both of which will be remembered most for letting their mistress drown in a river after saving themselves from their sinking automobiles.
Ted and I made our amends...
Read more »
Claire Chennault announced Wednesday afternoon that he is tendering his resignation from the magazine he helped raise from a puppy, citing a strong desire to hunt for treasure. While Chennault did not rule out a possible return to the magazine at some point in the distant future, he said Lordy Tremain would have to...
Read more »
Gideon Oakes lied to a bunch of respected news correspondents and then labeled a very, very important magazine an “alternative newspaper.”
First Oakes told us we would be eating at the Owl, on the Hard Written by College Know-Nothings News Cafe’s expense account. Then he picked us up, and started telling us how Wendy’s throws...
Read more »
The Truant, continuing with our long tradition of affecting change and taking on tough, complex issues that face our society as a whole, have founded the Utah Anti-Bad-Pornography League.
“The staff here at The Truant has decided that good porn is every man’s right here in our home state of Utah, [the largest consumer of...
Read more »
LOGAN, UTAH – As a flood of bad news continues to soak the country in economic woes, the recession has begun to rear its ugly head in the most rural of American cities. Today a town barely able to boast more than 40,000 registered white people is seeing the doors close...
Read more »
WASHINGTON D.C. – Still fresh to the Oval Office, 44th President Barack Obama has made what some say could be the most important move of his entire career. On Thursday, shortly after waking up and changing clothes in a phone booth, President Obama granted the nations top news source, The Truant, its “much-needed and well-deserved”...
Read more »
TSC – When Duve Olson overcame his hearing disability as a child by practicing American Sign Language with his mother, his reward was an entire world of endless possibilities through communication. With academic perseverance, Duve launched himself into the presidency of Utah State University’s ASL chapter, where he led his team to the championship...
Read more »
