“The staff here at The Truant has decided that good porn is every man’s right here in our home state of Utah, [the largest consumer of pornography per capita], and that we as an award-winning and oft-controversial publication should protect the general public from bad pornography,” said Lordy Tremain, Chief Financial Officer of the newly minted and government financed Non-Profit Organization.

“We’ve hired a Research Assistant, this real hungry cat named Scrappy Larsen who we’re gonna pay a healthy salary if he can figure out how to keep our screensavers off while we’re trying to catch a jack,” said Nixon Dickhouse, The Truant’s Benevolent Dictator For Life, who came up with the idea after a long and lonely St. Patrick’s Day.

The staff has some important and lengthy work to do. The list of top-shelf tail getting rammed, plowed and fucked every which way for Hard Cocks, Hard Fucking (that includes top porno talent with the likes of Cindee Cummz, Kandy Kumz, Kandy Kane, Kelly Cumdumpster) continues to grow while The Truant and its staff has a lot of footage to sift through, log and dispose of if necessary, if the group is going to be successful.

The Anti-Bad-Pornography league said its founding principles are

1. That it is not “okay” for men to view ugly women as sexual objects.
2. What abour our children? They should only see good porn, like Hustler’s Barely Legal series.
3. If you can’t get a ‘morning beat’ to it then it should be burned, or at least given to our friend’s 8th Grade brother.

“Dickhouse is very passionate about this project which he thought of after he jerked off to a gonzo porn titled Don’t Sweat the Midget. Its nice to work with such a passionate staff,” said Larsen.

Larsen said he gets to the office around 8:30, fires up his inbox, logs a few scenes of Porn and at around 8:35, steps outside for a cigarette.

“I’m worried about his work ethic, its obvious he is self starter, but he takes breaks three times an hour,” remarked Claire Chennault about the newest hire at the office. Yet Chennault is a true believer, he blames bad porn as the reason he needs a new hard drive every five months and perhaps a RAID array, which is an array of redundant hard drives and will ensure no data loss.

Larsen seems excited about the prospect to, not only shoot wads for pay, but work on something he is actually interested in, ”The juxtaposition between the mores our culture aspires to, and the actual mores our society chooses to adopt when no one is watching, as we see with the popularity of these pornographic web sites also I’m interested in the juxtaposition between tiny white tits and giant black cocks.” said Larsen.

Some disagree with the new league on the basis that most of our young females pay for college by getting into the Bang Bus and will lead to even more shitty service at Angies. (You know, where the locals eat.) But we here at The Truant will continue fighting the good fight against bad-porn because we think its the right thing to do, goddamit.

During Larsen’s first undisturbed three-and-a-half hour lab session, he often speedily switched between viewing porn on his television and surfing porno websites. Some of the URLs he leaned over to stare at intermittently while typing one-handed included orgasmicgrannies.com, crazycoedcunts.com, MILFspace.com, crackaddictcocks.com, racksofdestiny.com, retardsgonewild.com, donkeydingdongs.com, cumspewingcocks.com, cumguzzlingslutbags.com, fuckmyfacerammyass.com, cumslatheredcocks.com (a gay website Larsen clicked on by accident), cumslurpingcoozes.com, scatmunchingcumdrinkers.com, doublefisteddickjerkers.com, twogayguysfucking.com (also gay), cumcrazycunts.com, and JCPenney.com’s lingerie section.

/Additional Reporting by Claire Chennault