President Barack Obama was peppered with criticism today shortly after wrapping up a speech on foreign relations at Utah State University, where he explained to students and media that the Chinese “are a lot like the Borg on Star Trek.”
Obama, who was replying to a question from USU marketing sophomore Marty Short, pointed out...
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President Obama continued to attempt to stoke the United States economy today by extending unemployment benefits to individuals who lost their jobs by being utter shitheads at work.
“I think if we give these people who were acting like retards at work and got fired as a result, some grocery money, it will help the...
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WASHINGTON DC—After keeping relatively quiet for almost a decade, the topic of gays in the military has once again come to the fore-front of American military policy as President Barack Obama spoke to the nation last month regarding the issue and pledged his support to change the “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy instated years...
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The tired concept of patriotism was abandoned Wednesday by its last bedraggled proponents, a concession to the grinding reality of life in today’s America. Patriotism’s death was hailed by millions who acknowledged that America is no longer land of the free, home of the brave; but rather land of the banal, home of the...
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CRAWFORD, TEXAS – There was not a Texan in the world happier than George W. Bush to see Barack Obama take the reigns of our fair country last month and finally give a much-needed break to both former president Bush and the people of the United States of America. Former...
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The Great Pussy Depression has finally hit the Phoenix Area. In the last six months Americans have watched in stunned horror as a wave of ‘involuntary celibacy’ swept the nation. Earlier in the year, experts suggested the area would not be hit as hard as other regions, but in fact it...
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Scorpio OCTOBER 24 – NOVEMBER 21
This weekend will be full of snow balls and blue balls. Stay indoors until Monday.
Sagittarius NOVEMBER 22 – DECEMBER 21
No, you don’t have a chest cold. You have lung cancer.
Capricorn DECEMBER 22 – JANUARY 19
Hockey Whores are the new Sorority Sluts
Aquarius JANUARY 20 – FEBRUARY 18
You might get dick...
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My fellow Americans, we stand at the precipice of electing a second baseman, Barack Hussein Obama, to our nation's highest office. In four days, if the Poles are correct, the electoral college will pronounce Obama President of the United States. I'm sad to say, except for Hilary Clinton's memorable upset of Obama in New...
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In a huge coup for John McCain’s presidential campaign, the leadership of the tiny but influential voting bloc of amputees who run marathons announced Wednesday it is backing the Arizona senator in his bid for the White House.
“Well, this is huge news for John McCain and another reason for Barack Obama to be the...
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