Local man able to make break-up seem like her idea

Local man able to make break-up seem like her idea

Matt Ramackin, noted fornicator and churlish drunk was able to make a break up seem like it was the decision of his on-again-off-again ladyfriend of several months. Ramackin, who met Kristie Yeates through an acquaintance, knew he was in too deep when it was clear she...
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Pentagon suggest smoking ban in the military, shooting people still okay

Pentagon suggest smoking ban in the military, shooting people still okay

After a recent study funded by the pentagon regarding the dangers of tobacco use in the military, the US government is set to propose a ban on all tobacco products in the armed forces; shooting people in the face with a gun will still be okay. The ban would put a halt to all tobacco...
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Man has three-way, swears he’ll never go back to two-somes

Man has three-way, swears he’ll never go back to two-somes

Last night local man and student, Ryan Young had the first threesome of his life and says that he will never go back to the traditional sexual pairing of a twosome ever again. “God, it was nice,” said Young of his experience. “I can’t believe I waited so long to have sex with two girls...
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Meyer announces Tebow will play both ways this fall, inspiring 1,000,000,000,000 boners

Meyer announces Tebow will play both ways this fall, inspiring 1,000,000,000,000 boners

Spread offense guru and Florida Gators Head Coach Urban Meyer inspired trillions of sports fans all across the nation to get boners when he announced Tuesday that his senior quarterback, Tim Tebow, will take snaps at middle linebacker during the team’s SEC schedule. “Tim is too much of a stud to take him off the...
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Casual Sex Friday set to begin at the offices of The Truant

Casual Sex Friday set to begin at the offices of The Truant

After sifting through endless piles of applications and conducting upwards of twenty interviews a day for the past two weeks, a select handful of female interns have been selected for positions this summer, making it possible for Casual Sex Friday to officially begin (again) this week at the offices of The Truant.
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Catchy beat unable to wake Michael Jackson from grave

Catchy beat unable to wake Michael Jackson from grave

Sad news from the music community rang out thursday when Michael Jackson slipped into a coma and died Thursday afternoon and was unable to be revived with toe-tapping pop hook. His record company had learned of his demise and was ecstatic to recapture the magic of his circa 1982 mega-hit “thriller’.  Sony Records quickly assembled a...
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Ed McMahon dies, nobody gets shit

Ed McMahon dies, nobody gets shit

Yesterday American icon Ed McMahon died due to complication of the price always being right, which were brought on by continually handing out over-sized checks. He was 86 years old. McMahon gained his fame from being the host of the landmark television program The Price is Right where he introduced the real star of the...
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Small town officer follows his nose to arrest woman on ‘urinating in public’ charge

Small town officer follows his nose to arrest woman on ‘urinating in public’ charge

LOGAN–Last night a brave officer reminded the small town that he polices why the men and women behind the badge are true heroes, as he made good on his promise to serve and protect his community. Officer Jake Heft of the Logan City Police Department was making a nightly tour of his local Main Street...
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More letters to the editor of the Herald Journal, interspersed with clever commentary

To The Editor: Role models for our children, ha! Great players yes, Jordan Farmar, mmm, not so much, but anyway, but role models for our children is hardly what I would use to describe some of these NBA players! …Since someone asked? I will even go as far as to say role models for adults, hardly! If you’re an adult...
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