First Edward ‘Ted’ Kennedy, and now this… I find it sad yet remarkable that within the same week of a summer fleeting, we lose two great men, both of which will be remembered most for letting their mistress drown in a river after saving themselves from their sinking automobiles. Ted and I made our amends...
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Claire Chennault announced Wednesday afternoon that he is tendering his resignation from the magazine he helped raise from a puppy, citing a strong desire to hunt for treasure. While Chennault did not rule out a possible return to the magazine at some point in the distant future, he said Lordy Tremain would have to...
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In an attempt to start a petty feud and because he ruined quizzo, we thought we’d rely on something so lazy, so self serving, so jealous: a FJM style commentary while we read Harry Caines’ latest Andy Rooney impression. Sip on some Haterade, people. To paraphrase The Rolling Stones, please allow me to introduce myself. I’m...
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Carson City, NV—Weeks after a Californian city legalized the taxing of marijuana, Nevada has decided that it will follow in similar footsteps and attempt to add to state income by decriminalizing the once illegal practice of domestic abuse. The news rings a sad bell for most women and tiny men across the ‘Silver State’ who...
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It’s that time again – time to make fun of the fucktards who write letters to the Herald Journal. First up this week is Torrie Crapo of North Logan. Torrie has pit bulls on the brain. Take it away, Torrie! To the editor: A dog’s stability, shyness, aggressiveness and protectiveness is tested by The American Temperament...
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The National Football League, Philadelphia Eagles and Michael Vick continued to bathe in the wrath of a nation of people who suddenly love animals. For a moment, at least, the focus is off health care, as America gets very self-righteous on Vick, a wicked, wicked Black man. “See this Black guy?” asked Roger Mero of...
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In a move opposed only by the whiniest of knee-jerk crybaby liberal whiners, EnergySolutions will now be importing dangerous child-molesting felons to Utah. The rapists, who specialize in raping innocentchildren, are currently imprisoned in South Carolina, the same state EnergySolutions imports radioactive waste from. EnergySolutions CEO Steve Creamer announced his genius idea to bring as...
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As the economic crisis that Goldman Sachs granted to most of America through forcible rape worsens, California, the state hit the hardest by the housing market collapse, has come ever closer to taxing and legalizing marijuana to help ease its financial stress. As for allowing homosexuals to marry, the pseudo-progressive and oft-admired demographic of...
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What for many years had been termed Adult SIDS by physicians and medical examiners has now been officially modified to the more appropriate handle SADS. The American Medical Association has received a strong backlash of angry and humiliated widows and widowers concerned with the negative stigma applied to loved ones who have succumbed to...
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