Nevada legalizes domestic abuse to help balance budget

August 25, 2009
By Lordy Tremain, Reichsmarschall
Nevada legalizes domestic abuse to help balance budget

Carson City, NV—Weeks after a Californian city legalized the taxing of marijuana, Nevada has decided that it will follow in similar footsteps and attempt to add to state income by decriminalizing the once illegal practice of domestic abuse. The news rings a sad bell for most women and tiny men across the ‘Silver State’ who...
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More and more letters to the editor of the Herald Journal

More and more letters to the editor of the Herald Journal

It’s that time again – time to make fun of the fucktards who write letters to the Herald Journal. First up this week is Torrie Crapo of North Logan. Torrie has pit bulls on the brain. Take it away, Torrie! To the editor: A dog’s stability, shyness, aggressiveness and protectiveness is tested by The American Temperament...
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America continues to hate evil Black man Michael Vick

America continues to hate evil Black man Michael Vick

The National Football League, Philadelphia Eagles and Michael Vick continued to bathe in the wrath of a nation of people who suddenly love animals. For a moment, at least, the focus is off health care, as America gets very self-righteous on Vick, a wicked, wicked Black man. “See this Black guy?” asked Roger Mero of...
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EnergySolutions to import child molesters from South Carolina

EnergySolutions to import child molesters from South Carolina

In a move opposed only by the whiniest of knee-jerk crybaby liberal whiners, EnergySolutions will now be importing dangerous child-molesting felons to Utah. The rapists, who specialize in raping innocentchildren, are currently imprisoned in South Carolina, the same state EnergySolutions imports radioactive waste from. EnergySolutions CEO Steve Creamer announced his genius idea to bring as...
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California on its way to legalize drugs, legalizing same-sex marriage not likely

August 7, 2009
By Lordy Tremain, Reichsmarschall
California on its way to legalize drugs, legalizing same-sex marriage not likely

As the economic crisis that Goldman Sachs granted to most of America through forcible rape worsens, California, the state hit the hardest by the housing market collapse, has come ever closer to taxing and legalizing marijuana to help ease its financial stress. As for allowing homosexuals to marry, the pseudo-progressive and oft-admired demographic of...
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Adult SIDS receives new name from AMA

Adult SIDS receives new name from AMA

What for many years had been termed Adult SIDS by physicians and medical examiners has now been officially modified to the more appropriate handle SADS. The American Medical Association has received a strong backlash of angry and humiliated widows and widowers concerned with the negative stigma applied to loved ones who have succumbed to...
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Drug dealer surprised to find everyone snitched on him

Drug dealer surprised to find everyone snitched on him

A Smithfield resident in his early twenties, Nate Hansen thought he had it all: sweet bullet-bike, a gang of Ed Hardy gear, and some gnarly 'scrips for all kinds of shit he had coming to him ever since his bike wreck of two years ago. Like any upwardly mobile young man, hot of blood and...
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Truant Staffer found guilty on DUI charge, sentenced to community service teaching sex ed at orphanage

Truant Staffer found guilty on DUI charge, sentenced to community service teaching sex ed at orphanage

After a recent run-in with the law that resulted in famed writer Lordy Tremain being found guilty of a DUI charge while operating a bicycle, the acclaimed writer of time honored tales such as The Wrong Day to Wear White Pants: A Tale for Growing Girls, A Tight Box for Johnson: A Young Man’s...
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NHL 09 player shuffling lines around

NHL 09 player shuffling lines around

Local NHL 09 dynasty gamer Spencer King said he’s “Shuffling lines around some” trying to recapture the scoring magic which recently deserted his imaginary Detroit Red Wings. “The Datsyuk, Zetterberg, Holmstrom line is doing nothing,” King said. “I lost to the Minnesota Wild in the Joe! The Wild, man!” King is hoping a trade for Los...
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