Go Aggies
Chad Chadderson, a 23 year old bachelor, has never seemed to be more conflicted over whether or not the girl he was currently piping, was in fact, hot or not.
Natalie Rivera, A preppy-ass-bitch Chadderson met at Books of Yesterday and who any bystander would agree, is a hot piece of ass and slightly out...
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Jerry Peenbranch, a 20 year old barista we know, is carrying on his paper thin ruse about being Canadian, for the third consecutive week.
The newly garnished air of superiority appeared to Peenbranch when Canada played the United States for the Gold Medal which adds...
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Ed. This is a response to Lordy’s diss track. Which basically amounts to the notion that Dickhouse pays for sex and is poor so he ‘pregames’ so to speak.
Excuse me me miss. Could I have a moment of your time, I desperately need to tell you, that I need to get something straight between...
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Tom Bauer, a Natural Resources major at Utah State University, takes pains to make sure that everyone he comes in contact with learns that he doesn’t use Facebook.
“My super-cool, secretive plans are too important for anyone to find out,” Bauer said. “Facebook? I tell even the vaguest acquaintances that I don’t use it.”
Since most...
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Ed. – We were recently contacted by one of the most important men in all of Logan, Provost of Utah State University, Raymond T. Coward. The esteemed Provost said he had a message of great urgency which he wanted to communicate directly to our “negligible readership.” We live to serve. Without further ado, Provost...
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President Barack Obama was peppered with criticism today shortly after wrapping up a speech on foreign relations at Utah State University, where he explained to students and media that the Chinese “are a lot like the Borg on Star Trek.”
Obama, who was replying to a question from USU marketing sophomore Marty Short, pointed out...
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As told to Lordy Tremain, Reichsmarschall by Prescot Jason, Citizen in the Field and Ascot Enthusiast
In the wake of what many consider the fall of the decade, it has been announced that famed magician Jesus Christ will be forced to sit out the remainder of the holiday season due to a knee injury sustained...
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Ed Note, Caines penned his last column for The Utah Statesman on Monday. Man, Fuck that guy.
There is a line from a song by the rock group Night Ranger I love that simply states, “I was never much good at goodbye.” So true.
True that you aren’t good at goodbye? It’s amazing that Night Ranger...
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Announcing that he "can't take it anymore," celebrated college student Justin Lupton is moving to Salt Lake at the end of the month. Sources close to Lupton told The Truant that he got someone to work for him tomorrow, so he can move.
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