Author Archive

BREAKING NEWS: The Truant calls election for Barr

November 4, 2008
By Jordan Del Rio, Editor Emeritus
BREAKING NEWS: The Truant calls election for Barr

The Truant has called the 2008 presidential election for Libertarian candidate Bob Barr. The Truant, like many other legitimate news gathering agencies has a long tradition of excellence when it comes to calling the election before the last vote has been tallied. When contacted by Truant staffers for a statement, Barr responded, “Are you kidding? Dude,...
Read more »

Posted in Boys, Special | 2 Comments »

Buffalo Bills forfeit season after Russert’s death

Buffalo Bills forfeit season after Russert’s death

BUFFALO, N.Y. — Minutes after hearing the news of MSNBC newsman and Buffalo native Tim Russert’s death, Buffalo Bills head coach Dick Jauron called a press conference in which he forfeited the team’s entire 2008 season, citing the news as a “sign from God.” “Tim Russert was a driving force be–,” Jauron said, choking up,...
Read more »

Tags: , , , , ,
Posted in Sports, Drugs and Entertainment | No Comments »

LDS Church announces BYU-Logan; bans letter ‘A’

LDS Church announces BYU-Logan; bans letter ‘A’

SALT LAKE CITY — The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints announced the acquisition of the former Utah State University at a ceremony Saturday, June 7. In keeping with tradition, the school will be renamed to Brigham Young University – Logan. Thomas S. Monson, president of the church, presided over the ceremony which was...
Read more »

Tags: , , , , ,
Posted in Get Money | 2 Comments »

Gov. Huntsman presents award to bear who ate noisy child

SALT LAKE CITY — Gov. Jon Huntsman, Jr., awarded the first annual Huntsman Peace Award to a bear who attacked and devoured a young boy near Lewiston early last fall. The child, nine-year-old Johnny Little, was known to be a nuisance to his family, neighbors and others in the northern Utah town. Mayor Kelly Field described...
Read more »

Posted in Doggies | No Comments »

Albrecht heckles English majors during commencement

LOGAN — Utah State University President Stan Albrecht dedicated nearly fifteen minutes of his address to making fun of this year’s crop of English majors during Saturday’s commencement exercises. Drawing laughter from most of the audience, Albrecht seemed to bring out every joke in the proverbial book about English majors, from knock-knock jokes to complex...
Read more »

Tags: , , , ,
Posted in Doggies | No Comments »

Randy Johnson excited to ‘nail’ Miley Cyrus

Randy Johnson excited to ‘nail’ Miley Cyrus

PHOENIX — Arizona Diamondbacks pitcher Randy Johnson was overheard telling longtime acquaintance and N.Y. Yankees general manager Brian Cashman that he is “ready to put on his ‘A’ game” as soon as Hannah Montana star Miley Cyrus turns 18 in the year 2010. Johnson, 44, took notice of the 15-year-old starlet after semi-nude photos of...
Read more »

Tags: , , , , , ,
Posted in Girls, Sports, Drugs and Entertainment | No Comments »

Carroll faces sanctions after on-court profanity

Carroll faces sanctions after on-court profanity

LOGAN — Aggie basketball standout Jaycee Carroll is facing harsh sanctions from the LDS Institute for screaming the word “fetch” after missing a jump shot during last week’s game against Louisiana Tech in the Dee Glen Smith Spectrum. The term, known to most as a cleaned-up version of the “f word,” was recently condemned by...
Read more »

Tags: , ,
Posted in Get Money, Sports, Drugs and Entertainment | 3 Comments »