Obama in hot water again after comparing Chinese to the Borg
President Barack Obama was peppered with criticism today shortly after wrapping up a speech on foreign relations at Utah State University, where he explained to students and media that the Chinese “are a lot like the Borg on Star Trek.”
Obama, who was replying to a question from USU marketing sophomore Marty Short, pointed out several parallels between the citizens of the People’s Replublic of China and the Borg, evil robots from the television show Star Trek: The Next Generation.
“Like the diabolical Borg collective, the Chinese will not rest until they have subjugated all humanity,” Obama said. “They feel no pain and have no feelings because their brains have been replaced with central processing units which only respond to commands from the motherboard.”
The President went on to say that if you don’t believe him about the no feelings shit, you need to check out this bugged-out video on Youtube where a Chinese guy skins a cat.
Obama’s comments touched off a furor, particularly amongst the more Fox-Newsy elements of the press corps. Three hours after Obama made the comparison, the White House issued a statement apologizing for it, and somewhat excusing it by saying that “the President was high when he said that.”
This only escalated things, and by suppertime, the gaffe had received its official appendation of ‘gate,’ ie, ‘Chinese/Borg comparisongate,’ and been ushered into the hallways of executive disgrace, to a plum spot next to Gennifer Flowers’ whore mouth.
Hours after Obama had departed, The Truant found many differing opinions on the USU campus that had borne witness to Chinese/Borg comparisongate.
To represent the side of right and truth, we selected a far right-leaning political science professor. To represent utter blasphemy, we chose a slightly less hawkish right-leaning political science prof, and for comic relief, a Star Trek dork.
The dork was quick to point out that someone named Gene Roddenberry may have actually been trying to make a salient point about communism with the Borg on Star Trek. After five solid minutes of hard-core ridicule, the dork was able to explain that “that matters because the Chinese use communism as their system of government.”
Dr. Anthony Wayne and Dr. Fielding Maddox, political science teachers and therefore basically capable of being President themselves, exchanged verbal thrusts upon the greensward for a few minutes before Dr. Maddox was called away urgently, to impress no one by appearing on the Tyler Riggs Show on KVNU 610 AM. He probably told everyone what he thought about Mayor Watts telling everyone to fuck off, and if they don’t want to fuck off, write him a letter about it.
Dr. Wayne used his rival’s absence to harangue us about the constitution and blame his–many, severe–personal problems on his wife, “a real major-league cunt,” who is “so much like my mother.”
When pressed for more substantive analysis of Chinese/Borg comparisongate, Dr. Wayne blessed us with the observation that “all of Gene Roddenberry’s work serves as an allegory of the benefits of the unfettered free market, right down to the Klingons standing in for the Democrats, the Communists are the goddam Romulan Empire, and James Kirk is Ronald Reagan.”
The official response of the Chinese government is not known as of press time, but a press conference is scheduled for Wednesday afternoon in Beijing. Using our extensive network of sources close to Jon Hunstman, The Truant has learned that the Chinese are planning on cutting off America’s vital supply of poisonous knick-knacks, as payback for the affront.
How much money would an average college philosopher make?
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