Straight man fired from job for being gay
A man has been fired from Chili’s restaurant in Logan for being gay. Due to Utah Governor Gary Herbert recently declaring that it’s legal to fire people for being homosexual, Brandon Cockwood does not have a leg to hop around on in court.
Making the situation even more interesting is the fact that Cockwood is actually straight, with a healthy appetite for pornography and dry-humping with his girlfriend, Teri Hansen. This did not deter Cockwood’s manager at Chili’s, John Tyler, who is one of those guys with two first names, from filling in “employee is gay” in the space provided for ’cause’ on the Official Chili’s Termination Form, which Tyler completed in triplicate prior to firing that faggot, Brandon Cockwood.
“The dick-suck had to go,” Tyler said. “I’m hiring another hot babe to replace him, I mean we’ve got Texas Road House coming in right up the street and only the restaurant with the hottest servers and the craziest shit on the walls will survive.”
Cockwood protested mightily as he was removed from Chili’s premises for the last time, never to serve another Awesome Blossom.
“But you guys, I’m seriously not gay! Okay, joke’s over, guys! Come on?” he said, before Eduardo the Dishwasher shouted, “Hey Brandon, suck a dick no homo, bitch!” and everyone started laughing and high-fiving, the sound of which quickly drowned out the annoying sound of the complaining gay person.
When it was repeatedly hinted that possibly he had made a mistake, and fired a straight man who was not gay at all, merely struggled to relate to others at times and exhibited some annoying personality traits, Tyler insisted firmly that Cockwood was most definitely a homosexual.
“Are you suggesting that I fired a straight man?” he repeated, aghast. “I fired a gay, and I am perfectly within my rights to do so. I know he’s gay, I can always tell. And if Brandon wasn’t a fag, why would all the cooks say to him, ‘shut the fuck up you fuckin’ faggot’ when he asked for extra fries, or why would the hostess always put the gay-looking people with tight jeans in his section and then say, ‘there’s a couple sweet-smelling boys for you, Brandon, you fag?’ Huh? Why would all that happen? I even heard my head server, Jake, who is so good at making flavored lemon-aids and has way nice arms say, ‘hey Brandon, suck my dick with shit on it,’ that was so funny. Oh, I really like Jake. But yes, Brandon is a fag, and had to go.”
After getting the restaurant gossip from the proud manager, we sat down to enjoy a hardy meal of chicken-fried chicken livers, fried cornbread on the cob, and fried ranch balls served with a trio of dipping sauces: chipotle ranch, buttermilk ranch, and bacon ranch. We were hungry from casual-sex Friday.
We were in Jake’s section, and the good server brought the staff Turkey-coladas and traded stories about Brandon, who he confirmed was never gay, just unliked, and really has a girlfriend, because Jake fucked her.
“She liked my arms,” Jake said. And so do we.
[...] LAKE CITY— Through the combined efforts of the newly promoted and homophobic governor of Utah, Gary Herbert, and the, um, also homophobic president of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day [...]
Don’t you always get the ranch balls on casual-sex Friday?
Why would a restaurant want to fire a “gay” man from their serving staff? Where else are the 4 actual gay guys in town go to flirt with the man-meat? Texas Road House? I think not.
You guys fucking fell off. This shit is wack.
Well said