Homecoming By The Numbers
Incorrectly made Jello Shots: 1000 (aprox.)
Beers drank: > 1500
Fights: 24, one per hour on the :09’s of every hour. Like traffic reports.
Drunk girls hitchhiking to the bar: 2
Old flames re-ignited: 16
Old flames extinguished to the point of Dickhouse’s embarrassment: 3
Pointless Stories Told: 18
Bromances on a guy who graduated eleven years ago: 18
Passed out with their shoes on: 7
Greek advisers that might have a dick: 1
Real Breasts thought Fake: 2
Beer bottles thrown: 32
People acting their age: 0
Readers of The Truant, feel free to leave anything we missed in the comments.
Awkward situations – 500, 000
New hand signal for awkward situations – 1
Bosoms carressed: 1. She had a single mastectomy.
Big Dogs dumped on lewd person at the White: 4
Girls who dumped a big Big Dog on lewd dude, who made out with lewd dude later in the evening: 1
Number of Cops booed lustily: 4
People wearing Ed Hardy, Affliction, and TapOut that were mercilessly taunted: 6
People impressed by the guy who received the following text “If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them”: Eleventy Billion
Jokes about the football team: 21
Scotsman dogs eaten: 7 1/2
Times threw up: 7 1/2