Casual Sex Friday set to begin at the offices of The Truant
After sifting through endless piles of applications and conducting upwards of twenty interviews a day for the past two weeks, a select handful of female interns have been selected for positions this summer, making it possible for Casual Sex Friday to officially begin (again) this week at the offices of The Truant.
“It wasn’t easy,” said Claire Chennault, Head Editor in Charge, about the selection process. “We just knew that we had to get Casual Sex Friday up and running again, and ever since Dixie May, Sexy Editor, left the staff, citing ‘sexual harassment’ and ‘assault’ (also of the sexual persuasion) [Ed note: The charges are still pending and I’m innocent as fuck] we had been stuck with an all male team, and along with the writing, the sex has been a little shitty too—no homo.”
The staff as a hole [no sic] decided it was better to have a few females in the office, at least on Friday, for reasons of morality and morale, and also to keep the medical prices down caused by a handful of grown men going at it like they wanted to be featured on the Warren Cup.
Nixion Dickhouse, Benevolent Dictator for Life, and the only staff member that knows how to use anything besides a typewriter or Rohypnol, said that cameras have been installed so that the paid staff has something to high-five over at the company Christmas party besides The Little Matchstick Girl, and that there is a real possibility of a live web-cast with in the next month.
“It’s like a dream come true,” said Dickhouse, while making crude gestures to a young blond who’s resume touted over a thousand hours of volunteer work with immigrants and a lust to ‘use writing to right the wrong’. “The office has become a place where I can come to not only work, but to relax. It’s like I work for Google or something, but with a lot less success.”
The staff and future interns had a Casual Sex Friday dry run (or should we say “wet run”-zing!) on Tuesday as a little ice-breaker, and to learn everybody’s favorite position. At proceeding ice cream social, all members of the paid staff gave the sexual warm-up at least a B+ and so far there has only been one request off for the coming Friday (because staff member Trevor Nightwagon, Frustrated Virgin, is a queer and wants his first time to be “special”).
There has been no comment from any of the interns yet, as to how they coped with the Casual Sex Friday practice round, mostly because they are not allowed to talk during operating/fucking hours. Although there was one post-it note message received from a husky brunette, who knew what she was getting in to, that said, “These guys fuck like faggots. I want my money back.”
[...] After getting the restaurant gossip from the proud manager, we sat down to enjoy a hardy meal of chicken-fried chicken livers, fried cornbread on the cob, and fried ranch balls served with a trio of dipping sauces: chipotle ranch, buttermilk ranch, and bacon ranch. We were hungry from casual-sex Friday. [...]
I think I might want to come back. Who’s dick do I have to suck? (I won’t sue this time.)