A Smithfield resident in his early twenties, Nate Hansen thought he had it all: sweet bullet-bike, a gang of Ed Hardy gear, and some gnarly 'scrips for all kinds of shit he had coming to him ever since his bike wreck of two years ago.
Like any upwardly mobile young man, hot of blood and...
Read more »
Tags: Adderall, Bridgerland Applied Technical Institute, bullet bikes, Dope game, downers, drug warlord, Ed Hardy, LCPD, minority-laden Ogden Utah, Smithfield Utah, snitches
Posted in Get Money | No Comments »
After a recent run-in with the law that resulted in famed writer Lordy Tremain being found guilty of a DUI charge while operating a bicycle, the acclaimed writer of time honored tales such as The Wrong Day to Wear White Pants: A Tale for Growing Girls, A Tight Box for Johnson: A Young Man’s...
Read more »
Tags: A Tight Box for Johnson, because it's on the inside of your dick-hole, finding the clitoris, i.e. getting snuffed, Judge Eugene Thorn, Lordy Tremain, Lordy Tremain vs The State of Utah, orphans will really be able to realate to this one, pen ultimate, S&M, safe sex, sexual education, snuff film, something only to be discussed at home, study guides and condoms, The Truant is for the babies, The Wu-Tang Clan, these beautiful orphans, while operating a bicycle, Wrong Day to Wear White Pants
Posted in Boys | 3 Comments »
Local NHL 09 dynasty gamer Spencer King said he’s “Shuffling lines around some” trying to recapture the scoring magic which recently deserted his imaginary Detroit Red Wings.
“The Datsyuk, Zetterberg, Holmstrom line is doing nothing,” King said. “I lost to the Minnesota Wild in the Joe! The Wild, man!”
King is hoping a trade for Los...
Read more »
Tags: Datsyuk, Detroit Red Wings, gamers, imaginary fans, Kopitar, Minnesota Wild, NHL 09, Stuart, the Joe, Zetterberg
Posted in Sports, Drugs and Entertainment | 1 Comment »
After continually being disowned by those who he thought were his friends, douche bag Trevor Blanks has finally found his niche in the social nightlife which his associates had been keeping him from for over a decade. In recent weeks, Blanks has made it clear through his office’s event corkboard and his constant facebook...
Read more »
Tags: Around the water cooler on Monday morning, Bob Verde, Bob Verde was right, Butterscotch, designated driver, douche bag, facebook, I need a ride, interview me about something else, proletariat hands, sheer disdain, slipped unnoticed out of his mother, Sunday Fun-day, your fucking proletariat hands
Posted in Boys | No Comments »
Matt Ramackin, noted fornicator and churlish drunk was able to make a break up seem like it was the decision of his on-again-off-again ladyfriend of several months.
Ramackin, who met Kristie Yeates through an acquaintance, knew he was in too deep when it was clear she...
Read more »
Tags: charades, churlish drunk, corndogs, fucking chicks from work, Lance Thomas, masturbating before bed, Matt Ramackin, NASCAR, Nixon Dickhouse, passive aggressive bullshit, shit where you eat, supermodels, whimsy
Posted in Girls | 1 Comment »
After a recent study funded by the pentagon regarding the dangers of tobacco use in the military, the US government is set to propose a ban on all tobacco products in the armed forces; shooting people in the face with a gun will still be okay.
The ban would put a halt to all tobacco...
Read more »
Tags: a well-spoken rare find, have one of them shits hangin’ out of your chops, purple hearted dick, pussification, same with booze, the pentagon, the smell of 100.000 dead, this isn’t Star Trek, tobacco, top health officials
Posted in Boys | 4 Comments »
Last night local man and student, Ryan Young had the first threesome of his life and says that he will never go back to the traditional sexual pairing of a twosome ever again.
“God, it was nice,” said Young of his experience. “I can’t believe I waited so long to have sex with two girls...
Read more »
Tags: 26 year old humanities major, double up on a writer, Jager and few beers, neither are condoms, Ninja Turtle sheets, shared choking duties, so fucking nice, that old ham, the whorish women, threesome, told us not publish that part, two vaginas at once isn’t special enough, whiskey dick
Posted in Boys, Girls | 1 Comment »
Spread offense guru and Florida Gators Head Coach Urban Meyer inspired trillions of sports fans all across the nation to get boners when he announced Tuesday that his senior quarterback, Tim Tebow, will take snaps at middle linebacker during the team’s SEC schedule.
“Tim is too much of a stud to take him off the...
Read more »
Tags: and blow him, Big XII passing ballerinas, Brandon Spikes, Charles Woodson, Florida Gators, Heisman Trophy, Jacques Plante, Jesus Christ & Coach Meyer, Julio Jones, nerve-shattering runs, oh oh oh, Oklahoma Sooners, outsmarting them with his crafty throwing arm, Sam Bradford, steely power, Tim Tebow, Ty Cobb, Urban Meyer, you're a dude right?
Posted in Sports, Drugs and Entertainment | 3 Comments »
After sifting through endless piles of applications and conducting upwards of twenty interviews a day for the past two weeks, a select handful of female interns have been selected for positions this summer, making it possible for Casual Sex Friday to officially begin (again) this week at the offices of The Truant.
Read more »
Tags: another self-referential bit of genius, Casual Sex Friday, crude gestures, dry run, I want my money back, interns, Rohypnol, sexual harassment, Trevor Nightwagon is a queer, volunteer work with immigrants, Warren Cup, wet run
Posted in Boys, Girls | 2 Comments »