Archive for July, 2009

Drug dealer surprised to find everyone snitched on him

Drug dealer surprised to find everyone snitched on him

A Smithfield resident in his early twenties, Nate Hansen thought he had it all: sweet bullet-bike, a gang of Ed Hardy gear, and some gnarly 'scrips for all kinds of shit he had coming to him ever since his bike wreck of two years ago. Like any upwardly mobile young man, hot of blood and...
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Posted in Get Money | No Comments »

NHL 09 player shuffling lines around

NHL 09 player shuffling lines around

Local NHL 09 dynasty gamer Spencer King said he’s “Shuffling lines around some” trying to recapture the scoring magic which recently deserted his imaginary Detroit Red Wings. “The Datsyuk, Zetterberg, Holmstrom line is doing nothing,” King said. “I lost to the Minnesota Wild in the Joe! The Wild, man!” King is hoping a trade for Los...
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Posted in Sports, Drugs and Entertainment | 1 Comment »

Douche bag finds niche as designated driver

Douche bag finds niche as designated driver

After continually being disowned by those who he thought were his friends, douche bag Trevor Blanks has finally found his niche in the social nightlife which his associates had been keeping him from for over a decade. In recent weeks, Blanks has made it clear through his office’s event corkboard and his constant facebook...
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Posted in Boys | No Comments »

Local man able to make break-up seem like her idea

Local man able to make break-up seem like her idea

Matt Ramackin, noted fornicator and churlish drunk was able to make a break up seem like it was the decision of his on-again-off-again ladyfriend of several months. Ramackin, who met Kristie Yeates through an acquaintance, knew he was in too deep when it was clear she...
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Posted in Girls | 1 Comment »

Pentagon suggest smoking ban in the military, shooting people still okay

Pentagon suggest smoking ban in the military, shooting people still okay

After a recent study funded by the pentagon regarding the dangers of tobacco use in the military, the US government is set to propose a ban on all tobacco products in the armed forces; shooting people in the face with a gun will still be okay. The ban would put a halt to all tobacco...
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Posted in Boys | 4 Comments »

Man has three-way, swears he’ll never go back to two-somes

Man has three-way, swears he’ll never go back to two-somes

Last night local man and student, Ryan Young had the first threesome of his life and says that he will never go back to the traditional sexual pairing of a twosome ever again. “God, it was nice,” said Young of his experience. “I can’t believe I waited so long to have sex with two girls...
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Posted in Boys, Girls | 1 Comment »

Meyer announces Tebow will play both ways this fall, inspiring 1,000,000,000,000 boners

Meyer announces Tebow will play both ways this fall, inspiring 1,000,000,000,000 boners

Spread offense guru and Florida Gators Head Coach Urban Meyer inspired trillions of sports fans all across the nation to get boners when he announced Tuesday that his senior quarterback, Tim Tebow, will take snaps at middle linebacker during the team’s SEC schedule. “Tim is too much of a stud to take him off the...
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Posted in Sports, Drugs and Entertainment | 3 Comments »

Casual Sex Friday set to begin at the offices of The Truant

Casual Sex Friday set to begin at the offices of The Truant

After sifting through endless piles of applications and conducting upwards of twenty interviews a day for the past two weeks, a select handful of female interns have been selected for positions this summer, making it possible for Casual Sex Friday to officially begin (again) this week at the offices of The Truant.
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Posted in Boys, Girls | 2 Comments »