Archive for April, 2009

HEAVEN—Oscar Grant and Sean Bell never knew each other while they both lived in the United States. Grant, a 22 year-old gainfully employed father, hailed from Oakland, California, and Bell, a 23 year-old father and electrician by trade, who was engaged to be married, resided in New York. But these strangers in America have...
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Gideon Oakes lied to a bunch of respected news correspondents and then labeled a very, very important magazine an “alternative newspaper.” First Oakes told us we would be eating at the Owl, on the Hard Written by College Know-Nothings News Cafe’s expense account. Then he picked us up, and started telling us how Wendy’s throws...
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USU graduate student and noted animal lover Jared Jenkins added another dog Wednesday to make the total pet population of his house 42. Jenkins’s pets, which include a ferret, four dogs, some hamsters and a couple cats which he hasn’t gotten around to naming. Those familiar with the situation  said it basically amounts...
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Local man Bill Thompson was reportedly very thirsty this afternoon after a long day in the sun “tidying up the lawn” and making a few mends to his neighbors fence. Thompson, a retired PE teacher, said the feeling of thirst first came on around 10:30 and was still with him two hours later when...
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LOGAN – Logan resident Russ Berker owns a passel of land close by, just over yonder. There, Berker performs the routine tasks of modern living with a sort of morbid finality, as if “layin sod out back” were his personal monument to future grateful generations. Berker not only maintains his property – which is located...
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Ed. Note: Considering we may be approaching the slowest news week on record here at The Truant, we sent our already-on-probation reporter, Lordy Tremain, to southern California with the sole purpose to interview a victim of the housing crisis in an area of the United States that has been hit the hardest. He...
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VIDOR, TX— A race riot broke out in an eastern Texas town leaving local mulatto, Dwayne Lennon, beside himself. Vidor, a small Texas town still known for its racial tensions, was stet ablaze last Saturday night after local Caucasian resident Brent Benson, said that in last year’s presidential election he voted for John McCain...
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LIVING LEARNING COMMUNITY – Some kid Brandon Walker used to make fun of in high school’s mom was deleted from Walker’s facebook account by Walker, who said he was “sick of reading bullshit status updates about a woman’s right to breast-feed.” Walker, a notorious facebook friend-whore with over 800 facebook friends, accepts friend requests from...
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This Easter expect a little more Christ in your basket. Wonka Candy Co., the maker of well-known treats for kids for over fifty years, and the subject of a famous children’s film, has a surprise basket-stuffer ready for this coming holy holiday, and its taking a load of heat from the religious right. Wonka...
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