Archive for February, 2009

SALT LAKE CITY – Utah Jazz owner and used car salesman Larry H. Miller died yesterday, finally being reunited with his legs. Miller, who led the Jazz to a handful of NBA records, including 0 championships, suffered from type-2 diabetes, a disease that is nearly always brought on and left untreated by the lack...
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WASHINGTON D.C. – Still fresh to the Oval Office, 44th President Barack Obama has made what some say could be the most important move of his entire career. On Thursday, shortly after waking up and changing clothes in a phone booth, President Obama granted the nations top news source, The Truant, its “much-needed and well-deserved”...
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TSC – When Duve Olson overcame his hearing disability as a child by practicing American Sign Language with his mother, his reward was an entire world of endless possibilities through communication. With academic perseverance, Duve launched himself into the presidency of Utah State University’s ASL chapter, where he led his team to the championship...
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“GREEK” ROW – Rival “fraternities” and “sororities” have seized on the opportunity afforded them by “Sigma Nu” and “Chi Omega” “houses’” expulsions and are laying the groundworks for near-record spring semester “pledge” classes, The Truant’s head “Greek”-Watcher Ken Ryu reports. The elimination of two “houses,” which Ryu assures us were considered “very cool” among USU undergraduates,...
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CRAWFORD, TEXAS – There was not a Texan in the world happier than George W. Bush to see Barack Obama take the reigns of our fair country last month and finally give a much-needed break to both former president Bush and the people of the United States of America. Former...
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