This past week in an oversized and veiny survey preformed by members of The Truant staff on the willing American student body, findings found that “unprotected sex is underrated.”
Spanning the entire western seaboard and a few small towns north of Logan, Utah, which still don’t even show up on Google, surveys and services were...
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Archive for January, 2009
Findings find that unprotected sex is underrated
Depression Finally Hits Phoenix
The Great Pussy Depression has finally hit the Phoenix Area. In the last six months Americans have watched in stunned horror as a wave of ‘involuntary celibacy’ swept the nation. Earlier in the year, experts suggested the area would not be hit as hard as other regions, but in fact it...
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‘Let’s Roll’ found to be a trite thing to say
WASHINGTON, D.C. – After enjoying a brief period of popularity, the saying ‘Let’s Roll,’ made famous by Todd Beamer, who led a determined group of passengers on a suicide mission to prevent terrorists from crashing a jet into the White House on 9/11, has fallen out of fashion.
Dr. Jeffrey Zellner, the country’s foremost expert on...
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AIDS finally available in high-def
AMERICA – After a long-delayed and highly controversial journey, HIV/AIDS is finally going to be available in high-def. According to Jack Girbaud, a spokesperson from tech group “AIDS for All,” as of this weekend Acquired Immune Deficiency in high-definition will be available for purchase at select vendors in Los Angeles...
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Mormons excited for Tim Tebow to die, so he can become member of church
SALT LAKE – Mormon football fans around the country are excited to have Tim Tebow die soon, so that they can baptize him as a member of the LDS church.
“He’s so spiritual,” said Kelly Christiansen, mormon. “You can see how he has a close personal relationship with our Savior, I’m just so conflicted because he’s...
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Utah Based Think Tank Releases New Policy Ideas
SALT LAKE CITY] Paul Mero, renowned political pundit and President of the conservative think tank The Sutherland Institute issued via press release his new platform of socially conservative policy ideas.
Some of the controversial policy measures release include, to make it a law that only adults over twenty-five are allowed to drink alcohol. The initiative...
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