Your Weekly Horoscopes 11/15

Scorpio OCTOBER 24 – NOVEMBER 21
This weekend will be full of snow balls and blue balls. Stay indoors until Monday.

Sagittarius NOVEMBER 22 – DECEMBER 21
No, you don’t have a chest cold. You have lung cancer.

Capricorn DECEMBER 22 – JANUARY 19
Hockey Whores are the new Sorority Sluts

Aquarius JANUARY 20 – FEBRUARY 18
You might get dick slapped sometime in the near future, but at least it won’t leave a mark.

Pisces FEBRUARY 19 – MARCH 20
Be sure not to use honey as lubrication while masturbating. That shit does not come out of pubic hair easily.

Aries MARCH 21 – APRIL 19
The economy may be falling, but your weight isn’t.

Taurus APRIL 20 – MAY 20
Make sure that you focus on the big picture. Even though it is filled with defeat and failure, it is important to be prepared.

Gemini MAY 21 – JUNE 21
The calendar and pull out method NEVER WORKS! Trust me.

Cancer JUNE 22 – JULY 22
Stop acting like you give a fuck about Obama or Gay Rights. You are not a gay black man.

Leo JULY 23 – AUGUST 22
A new love interest is on the horizon for you. Then she will fuck your brother.

Virgo AUGUST 23 – SEPTEMBER 22
Britney Spears is set to release her new album on Dec. 2nd. I hear the pictures are great for touching yourself as long as you forget that she was once bald.

Libra SEPTEMBER 23 – OCTOBER 23
Being a man and wanting to make passionate but gentle love to Brett Favre does not make you gay.

Tags: Barack Obama, Brett Favre, Britney Spears, fuck your brother, Hockey Whores, Horoscopes, Sorority Sluts, the pull out method

This entry was posted on November 16, 2008 at 9:35 pm and is filed under Special. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.