Utahns get what they pay for in California politics
Ed. note: After misappropriating funds from our parent company, The Truant was able to buy our fourth best writer, Lordy Tremain, a one-way bus ticket to the west coast to cover the political issues that often shape the country, and to also to try and get a cameo or a sexually transmitted disease on MTV’s The Hills.
SAN DIEGO – A major victory for the religious right took place in the great and just state of California this week as Proposition 8, the proposition to eliminate the existing right of same sex couples in California to marry, passed by a narrow margin.
Proposition 8 was arguably the most watched national issue in this year’s elections, behind only the presidential race and Proposition 1 ½ out of Kentucky that outlawed evolution in exchange for an in-school program that will try and teach students how to separate cousins from lovers. 
“The voters have spoken,” said Dirk James, long-time bigot and resident of San Diego, who voted yes on Prop 8. “The voters have spoken and men who like to be in men no longer get to do it with rings on their queer little fingers.”
One state in particular that had its fair and balanced eye on Prop 8 was Utah, the great Rocky Mountain mainstay of love and the tolerance of others. ABC News reported that members of the The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints Church gave over $20 million to support Prop 8, which was over a quarter of the total money spent both for and against the proposition.
Diane Webb, a long-time resident of Logan, Utah, Relief Society president and supporter of taking away the rights of gay couples said of Prop 8 passing, “I think its good. My husband told me it was good and that we should increase our monthly tithing to 15% instead of 10% so we could give the extra money to the war on them queers. And that’s exactly what we did,” continued Mrs. Webb, “and though we had to cut corners on food costs, it was worth being hungry to know that a bunch of faggots in California won’t have the legal right to be happy.”
A spokesman for the LDS Church, who insisted that his name be kept off the record, released a statement in regards to the $20 million donated in support of Prop 8:
- “As a church we had a decision to make. We knew that we could raise $20 million for any cause we saw fit. We looked at giving the money to the homeless, and then thought, no, they wouldn’t even have a house to put it in. We considered raising the money for cancer research, but then reconsidered because, well, people that have cancer right now are probably going to die anyway. After that horrible idea, one of our more radical ward members suggested that with $20 million we could provide an unprecedented amount food for starving children within our community and all over the world. Of course, we rejected that idea because it’s just plain silly. Heavens, that was almost as bad as the suggestion to use the millions to build safe-houses in high risk areas for abused women and children! Can you imagine that? Why in the heck would we want to give money to the hungry, the sick, the poor or the abused when we could give that money to take away the right of grown, consenting adults to be happy?”
We here at The Truant obviously couldn’t agree more with this or any movement that involves million of dollars and ruins the lives of good people instead of helping the poor, sick or abused. Because God hates fags, and so do we.
[...] efforts of the newly promoted and homophobic governor of Utah, Gary Herbert, and the, um, also homophobic president of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, Thomas ‘The Bull’ Monson, a Salt Lake City landfill became a historical landmark this [...]
[...] fuck up after they pumped $20 million out of their “love thy neighbor” fund to influence the Prop 8 vote which banned same-sex marriage in California and reminded the world that, like Mahmoud Ahmadinejad [...]
I think Christ would have donated $20 million to discriminate against people and the make them unhappy. It seems appropriate that the “Church of JESUS CHRIST of Latter-day SAINTS” would make a decision based on the hate that Khristós taught his people… Hypocritical, ignorant church and people.
It is good that the LDS church’s teachings are being upheld. Specifically the one about “Free agency”, or freedom of choice to all the heathens. I am sure that it is within this deeply regarded and fundamental concept that the church decided to eliminate the choice of many, many gay couples to make themselves happy. I am also guessing that this violates no such state and federal mandates of separation of church and state.
It seems that the church, who struggles to gain memberships of African-Americans because of their former exclusion to hold priesthood, would have seen that a new form of exclusion toward homosexuals would result in similar future struggles to gain membership: which seems to be the most important thing to them.
This ($20 million) must be the price of love and tolerance. I wonder what parents tell their gay children after this. “We still love you. Our church, that we also love, Hates you and wants us to do everything in our power to stop you from being who you are. But we love you even if you are going to hell.”
Giving that money to the homeless might have turned them gay.