Rose backs down from Morrill
Dave Rose, head coach of the BYU men’s basketball team, refused to fight USU basketball coach Stew Morrill by the bike racks Monday afternoon. Rose, who had been talking shit on Morrill during lunch, also categorically refused to fight Morrill by the tennis courts or the flag pole.
“I’ll get you, Morrill, just not today,” Rose said, eying the 6′8 Morrill’s impressive bulk nervously. “I can’t fight, uh, my mom is waiting to pick me up.”
“Awww man!” Mountain West player of the year Lee Cummard said when he realized that Rose was going to pussy out. “Come on, coach! Fight him! He only looks big!”
“No, Lee,” Rose said, on the verge of panic. “It, um, wouldn’t be right.”
Morrill smacked a fist the size of a frozen ham into his palm and glared at Rose, his eyes bugging out freakishly, an effect which was magnified two to three times by his glasses. “Just let me know, Rosey, I’ll take your trash out anytime!” he said, his huge nostrils flaring.
Although Rose lost a great deal of face by fearfully backing down from Morrill, he did retain his teeth, which had he accepted Morrill’s offer to settle his hash, would have been knocked down his throat.
The confrontation began when Rose was in line for his lunch and began telling Cummard and a few other BYU basketball players that Morrill is no longer the best coach in Utah, being “too old, too fat and too ugly.” Becky Basckett, a USU fan who was in line behind Rose and the BYU ballers, overheard Rose’s comments, and rather than making the obvious joke about Dave Rose calling anyone ugly, ran off to tell some friends that Rose had been talking shit.
Word soon reached Morrill, who was in shop class. Eyewitness accounts of his reaction were in agreement that Morrill turned off the bandsaw he was working on and told everyone in earshot that he’d be happy to beat Rose to a pulp out by the bike racks after school. As the afternoon wore on and messages were exchanged through intermediaries, it became clear that Rose, while maintaining an initial willingness to fight Morrill, would not fight by the bike racks because Mr. Jardine’s office is right there. After the flag pole was also rejected as a location, the tennis courts were finally agreed upon as the site of the Morrill-Rose tilt, and also, most likely, Rose’s final resting place.
A large crowd was gathered at the tennis courts, eager to see bloodshed. But shortly after his arrival, it became apparent that Rose wanted no part of Morrill, who was stripped to the waist and raring to go.
“I can’t fight you; I’ll get after-school detention,” Rose said, whinily. “I almost got suspended last week for having all those men’s underwear ads from Shopko stockpiled in my locker.”
Having exhausted his litany of excuses, Rose eventually just turned and walked away from Morrill, the tennis courts and the disappointed crowd, his head hanging in shame, accompanied by only a handful of his players, whose loyalty was clearly tested by being forced to associate with a complete and utter coward.
Cummard tried to downplay the damage done to his coach’s reputation. “It was the smart thing to do, anyone who has seen Stew contest a foul knows he’s not someone to be fucked around with. So Dave looks like a pussy in front of everyone. Big deal, we already knew that. And he avoided being badly injured.”
Long after the crowd had dissipated, Utah Utes basketball coach Jim Boylen showed up and offered to fight anyone at all, to no avail.
Duly noted. A thousand thanks, Alex.
Jim Boylan is the head coach of the Chicago Bulls.
Jim Boylen is the head coach of the Utah Utes.
Nice article otherwise.
2 years, not 4
Wow Greg, I am sure that without Jaycee USU will just disappear. What was with those 5 straight 23+ win seasons before Jaycee was there. Was that just dumb luck? Oh wait Stew Morrill is a hell of a coach and USU will continue to be tops in this state until Stew decides to retire. I hope you enjoy watching BYU get bitch slapped at the ESA by a team full of return missionaries, and oh yeah USU’s missionaries actually stayed out for 4 years unlike yours. And in all fairness Rose is a pussy that Stew would clean the floor with in a fist fight.
Greg sounds like he’s kinda a flaming homosexual.
“BYU will kick Aggie butt??”
Ok, I rescind my “kinda” from before. And even if the article were about basketball scheduling, do the gay goggles keep Greg from realizing that Dave Rose in fact backed down from playing Morrill in real life?
Here’s to hope that Greg one day gets introduced to a sense of humor.
Also, I’m taking back “gay” from the as an adjective from the people who took it and made it politically incorrect. Political correctness is just kinda… well… gay. Although in this instance I mean it in it’s literal sense towards Greg.
The article is about a fistfight. I don’t know how you fucking dipshits read basketball scheduling into that.
Stupidest thing I’ve ever read. Name one team Stewie has scheduled in the past decade (other than BYU and Utah) that’s worth a crap. Name one team Stewie has agreed to play on the road (other than BYU and Utah) in the non-conference schedule that’s not named Bo Diddley Tech.
BYU will kick Aggie butt this year in the ESA, and every year after that once the rotation gets back on track. BYU is on the rise, the Aggies will never find another Jaycee Carroll and they’ll disapear into oblivion.