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Local news writer having bad day at work, will probably now be fired

Local news writer having bad day at work, will probably now be fired

Local news writer and cirrhosis-savant, Lordy Tremain of Truant fame, is reportedly having a rough day at work and probably won’t stop bitching about it until he ultimately gets arrested and/or loses his job completely. In true finger-pointing workplace political fashion, Tremain seems to have placed the blame for this day of poor rapport squarely...
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Drive-by shooting canceled due to weather

Drive-by shooting canceled due to weather

Up-coming rapper and local thug-savant Clarence “See Cash” Jones has called off his scheduled drive-by shooting this evening, citing poor weather conditions. The planned attempted-murder was supposed to take place tonight at roughly 11:45 PM on the westside of Logan, Utah, a town whose...
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Lesbian disagrees with local gay pride celebration, lets boy do what girl cant

Lesbian disagrees with local gay pride celebration, lets boy do what girl cant

After two years of having sex without a dick, a local lesbian and hot rights activist had sex with male, finally getting from a man what she could never get from a woman. Shea Anderson had been a lesbian for way too long, and after...
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Westboro Baptist Church reveals the next target of its pickets: Itself

Westboro Baptist Church reveals the next target of its pickets: Itself

The Westboro Baptist Church, a Kansas-based cult with a similar agenda to the Republican party, has begun picketing itself in an effort to root out what church leader Pastor Fred Phelps called “fag influences and the gay lifestyle.” The Westboro Baptists have been gaining notoriety...
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College Republicans pushing for good commencement speaker next year

College Republicans pushing for good commencement speaker next year

Representatives of the College Republicans and Tea Party at Utah State University are pushing administrators to bring a good commencement speaker in next year, after famed liberal activist Danny Glover wrecked this year’s commencement. “We are placing utmost pressure upon the administration to give the...
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Truant writer arrested in Arizona for maybe not being Mexican

Truant writer arrested in Arizona for maybe not being Mexican

Becoming the first celebrity victim of Arizona’s new law that allows police to stop citizens on suspicion of their illegal immigrant status, white Truant staff member and human rights activist, Lordy Tremain was arrested in Tucson, AZ after not being able to show papers...
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When I undress you with my eyes I do it gently

April 18, 2010
By Lordy Tremain, Reichsmarschall
When I undress you with my eyes I do it gently

When I undress you with my eyes, I do it gently.  First, I see you in a bar, and I don’t rush it. I have a drink, I swirl it in my hand and laugh at you as you remark that I make it...
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UFC fighter somehow wins fight

UFC fighter somehow wins fight

Shinji Kamazuki, a 184-lb middleweight UFC contender, was able to somehow defeat champion Sam Grasskill Wednesday night in the octagon. Play-by-play announcer Joe Rogan assured fans that Kamazuki had won the fight by means of “toe-hold.” “That was one of the most lethal demonstrations of...
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Man worried that this boner might be his last

Man worried that this boner might be his last

According to very inside sources, there is a local man somewhere in your neighborhood right now who is worried that the immediate erection in his pants might be his last.  Chances are that he is going to use that worry to convince himself to...
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