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Truant editor Tremain is new owner of historically ugly work of art

Truant editor Tremain is new owner of historically ugly work of art

Reichsmarschall Lordy Tremain has caused a truly disgusting watercolor painting to be displayed in main offices of The Truant, to the horror of the rest of the editorial board, not to mention the art world. A Brinks truck arrived at nine a.m. on Monday and six off-duty Los Angeles Police officers offloaded the small, unmarked...
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Obama in hot water again after comparing Chinese to the Borg

February 2, 2010
By Rick Gatewood, Five-Tool Editor
Obama in hot water again after comparing Chinese to the Borg

President Barack Obama was peppered with criticism today shortly after wrapping up a speech on foreign relations at Utah State University, where he explained to students and media that the Chinese “are a lot like the Borg on Star Trek.” Obama, who was replying to...
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Sundance Film Gets Rave Review: “No Homo”

January 27, 2010
By Lordy Tremain, Reichsmarschall
Sundance Film Gets Rave Review: “No Homo”

Ed.–As reported to Lordy Tremain, Reichsmarschall, by Devon Foxblade, Salt Lake City Attaché The controversial  film, 8: The Mormon Proposition, received a standing ovation followed by cries of “No homo” after its premiere screening in Park City’s Sundance Film Festival this week.  Director G.B. Sillyfuck’s...
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Local drunk driver can’t quite make it home

January 22, 2010
By Lordy Tremain, Reichsmarschall
Local drunk driver can’t quite make it home

Early this morning local drunk driver Andrew Duke attempted to drive himself home while intoxicated from a friend’s house after a night of hard drinking, but had to pull over after a few miles because he was too drunk to drive. “Yeah, I don’t know...
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Truant holds feast to raise awareness of Haitian crisis

January 21, 2010
By Lordy Tremain, Reichsmarschall
Truant holds feast to raise awareness of Haitian crisis

In an attempt raise awareness of the starving people in Haiti, ground-breaking television news magazine The Truant, held a giant feast at the local country club and invited much if its staff and a handful local politicians. Being that it was early in the year...
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Obama extends unemployment benefits to people who lost their jobs being shitheads

Obama extends unemployment benefits to people who lost their jobs being shitheads

President Obama continued to attempt to stoke the United States economy today by extending unemployment benefits to individuals who lost their jobs by being utter shitheads at work. “I think if we give these people who were acting like retards at work and got fired...
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Isn’t giving money to Haiti for an earthquake just going to encourage them to have more earthquakes?

Isn’t giving money to Haiti for an earthquake just going to encourage them to have more earthquakes?

Ed. Note: We asked Paul Mero, head of the Sutherland Institute: the leading conservative think-tank in Utah, who usually contributes his Mero Moment over @ kvnuftp.com. This week he had something a bit edgier than his usual contribution and we were delighted he chose to contribute. I’ve...
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Man fucks wrong woman, still gets his nut

January 12, 2010
By Lordy Tremain, Reichsmarschall
Man fucks wrong woman, still gets his nut

In a hilarious case of mistaken infidelity, Jude Christensen, a senior at the University of Utah, accidentally had sex with a woman that was not his girlfriend, but, according to sources close to Jude, still got his nut. Christensen and his girlfriend were attending...
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Smart guy writes intelligent, reflective letter to the editor

January 8, 2010
By Rick Gatewood, Five-Tool Editor
Smart guy writes intelligent, reflective letter to the editor

When we last left our local periodical, the Herald Journal was taking nominations for a Resident of the Year award, and the good people of Logan, America were using the opportunity to nominate their child’s dance instructor. Earlier this week, the HJ’s Letters to...
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